The path to self-love starts with forgiveness. Forgiveness of who? And for what? Forgiveness of myself from me.
Forgiving myself for the times I let myself cry alone in the dark. Forgiving the years of subconscious self-abuse I caused in my mind from my unrealistic expectations of perfection. Forgiving myself for choking my well-being to suffocate in a life of fear and anxiety. Forgiving myself for letting my anger spiral me out of control. Forgiving myself for not expressing my truth. Forgiving myself for isolating my heart for the sake of protection from an outside “threat” that never existed. Forgiving myself for leaving my heart to dry when its been thirsting for connection all this time. Forgiving myself for feeling lonely when my heart has been by my side all this time–keeping me company. Forgiving myself for all of the things I’ve done to me physically, emotionally, and psychologically that I’d apologize for if I did the same thing to another person.
You are a human being like anyone else. Earnest introspection into self-forgiveness brought me to my knees to see just how much I have been suffering deep inside in the darkest shadows of my mind and heart. This deep, secret, and raw suffering is something that we all carry within. Like the First Noble Truth of the Buddha–“Life is Suffering.” How much does it hurt to be alone in your pain? How much have you suffered? How long?
Vow to never let another feel the same heart-aching pain that you’ve been in. I believe this is the real seed of compassion–the seed of ultimate, honest, everlasting love. Forgive yourself. Forgiveness is love. The antithesis of forgiveness is resentment, which is the opposite of love. As long as I am not able to forgive myself, I cannot love myself deeply. People say they crave a love so deep that the oceans would be jealous, but most don’t know where to start to feel that sort of immense love. Start with forgiveness. Sincere, deep, and utter forgiveness of yourself. Forgive, forgive, and forgive again. You are doing your best.